Turning Hate Into Love

16 08 2010

Have you ever been bullied, made fun of, looked down upon or ignored? Have you ever been rejected by someone who previously extended love but a life circumstance had flipped his affection into hate? Have you ever experienced a prejudice based on someone else’s beliefs? Have you been wronged based on another’s right? Prejudice and a difference in beliefs has always been used as an excuse to spread hate. It has separated families, created the downfall of nations, and caused war and terror throughout time. Hate in the name of beliefs has caused more destruction than all diseases and natural calamities put together. Many have used religion or god as their reason to separate, punish or kill. Other’s have used race and other’s have used a difference in lifestyle. What causes such intense emotions that one would want to disconnect from family, separate themselves from a life long friend or have the desire to kill a whole group of people for what seems to be an insignificant difference of opinion, lifestyle or color?

Human action is motivated by either fear or love. Fear comes from the illusion of lack of control. When someone believes that another will hurt him, or is responsible for the pain of people he loves, fear and feelings of aggression toward that person will kick in. He thinks he’s trying to protect himself. Our survival instinct will overtake even logic in order to keep us safe. We see evidence of this in the countless holocaust stories that spread as far back as biblical times into our present moment. Nations have been moved to hate and kill like a virus, from leaders spreading fear and linking it toward the chosen group to hate.

A lack of understanding on a subject can sometimes lead people to come up with their own conclusions. Making assumptions based only on ideas rather than fact are drawn from events of the past, ideas they were taught or their imagination. Most of us are programmed to fear the unknown. We are taught to hate what we fear. This combination is what produces so much of the pain we see in this world.

In order for us to shift from our fear, hate and pain we need to learn how to love and accept. By embracing the unknown with love and welcoming it in we not only shift ourselves out of fear but begin to shift the one we felt animosity toward, spreading the energy throughout the universe.
There has been several times in my life where I had the opportunity to practice this idea.

When I was a little girl I grew up as a religious, orthodox Jew. One Sunday afternoon I was hanging out with my friend, waiting at the bus stop to take us to the mall. As we were sitting, engaged in deep conversation a few teenage boys approached us and began to bully us, calling us names like dirty jew, Hitler should’ve finished you off, and you have no right to ride the bus or walk on the street. A young girl stood behind them in silence just watching what was going on. I looked at her and gave her a warm smile. I stood there looking at those boys full of hate and immediately began to feel sorry for the animosity they felt. I did not fully understand where that came from but knew it had nothing to do with me. We didn’t even know each other. The bus arrived and we all got on. My friend and I reasoned that since there were many people on the bus the boys would stop harassing us. We were wrong. We sat in the back of the bus where they stood over us and continued their abuse. The girl who I smiled at went up to the boys and began to yell at them. She told them to stop their abuse immediately. They looked at her dumbfounded and sat down without another word leaving their mouths.
Having a family that survived the Nazi Holocaust I couldn’t help but wonder if pre war Europe was similar for the Jews. During that incident I racked my brains as to how to handle the incident and all that came up was forgive them. They don’t understand what they are doing. They are scared of us. Spurring hatred toward them will do nothing but only make things worse. By quietly sending them love an angel came through to relieve us from our pain.
A few years later I let go of the religion and began a more spiritual path of living. During my evolvement from religion toward spirituality family members began to act in strikingly similar behavior to those boys from my teenage past. During those times I found it more difficult to separate myself from their hateful actions simply because we not only knew each other but these were people I assumed loved me. It was only after I realized that they too as those young boys are acting from fear of the unknown and therefore being controlled beyond the logical mind or their spirit. Their fear and judgement clouded any opportunity for them to accept me. It was only after I surrendered to their non acceptance and accepted their actions that I was able to be at peace.

The key thing to remember is when someone spurs anger and hatred your way, hatred is not what will get you toward happiness. Sending back anger will only give you more of what you gave. You’ve heard the expression what you give, you get back tenfold. It is in times of hatred that we have an opportunity to express love. By doing this we can heal those that don’t understand the power of love and heal ourselves.

What to do?
In Conversations With God, Book One, Neal Donald Walsh shares a beautiful suggestion, “In times of conflict, whether it is with an ex, children, business partner or friend ask yourself what would love do now?” Love is the answer to everything.

In my book The Power Within Me, coming out this fall I discuss this idea in length and bring many more examples of how I implemented love in the presence of hate and how powerfully my life shifted.

For more articles on shifting through pain to love please visit Esther’s Facebook Page at http://www.facebook.com/estherhadler#!/EstherWarrior.

Esther has a coaching program designed to help you shift out of any painful experience with grace and swiftness. To learn how you can experience a free half hour session, please contact her at EstherAdler@EstherAdler.com and put in the subject line coaching, or simply call 908 764-5672.





There’s Nothing Wrong With You

18 05 2010

When we hear there’s nothing wrong with you we agree most of the time. I mean who’s going to walk around feeling as if we’re broken? But it’s our actions that speak louder than words and many of us walk around feeling and acting as if there’s something we need to fix. There are times in our life though that we would not agree with that statement and start to list all that is wrong with us. We’d talk about how we messed up, what we didn’t accomplish and how insignificant we feel.

This idea that there’s nothing wrong with you started to come into my life during a major shift in my life. 8 years ago I was diagnosed with type 1 Diabetes. At first I went into denial, anger, and a grief I never encountered. I could not believe what had happened to me. I remember sitting in a doctor’s office within the first few weeks of my diagnosis and hearing the words, “the only thing you’ll be able to eat from now on is eggs and bacon.” I did not have the heart to tell him that at the time I did not eat bacon so my life would consist of just eggs. I quickly sought out another doctor who calmed me down, gave me insulin and told me that everything would be ok. I was devastated. I could not be consoled. I remember feeling punished, but most of all broken.

One of the main ideas that frightened me was how we create everything in our lives. I could not accept that I brought this horrible disease into my being. After pondering this thought the shock overwhelmed me. I remembered how I walked around with a constant fear of developing a disease similar to my mother. My mother had a stroke when I was seven. I spent my whole life taking care of her, but more important doing everything I can do to be as healthy as I can, so as not to create a similar fate. Is it possible that my thoughts of fear of disease created the disease in the first place? I became angry at myself and felt as if I broke myself. I began an urgent search to get rid of this thing in my body which caused me to be broken, not perfect, not as good as those around me. I became a victim. I hated how I felt and hated myself for feeling this way.

My search went no where, I went to every expert, alternative medicine doctor, traditional doctor and everything in between with no luck. I studied every philosophy and every modality of healing I could get my hands on, with still needing to take insulin everyday and dealing with highs and lows on a regular basis.

On my path of discovery I went to see Deepak Chopra give a talk. It was at the time his movie, The Seven Spiritual Laws came out. We saw the movie, saw him speak and got to ask him questions. The movie discusses how laws of the universe are set. Just as there is the law of gravity there are seven spiritual laws. He goes on to explain what they are and how we can live our lives using these laws to create the life we want.

During the question and answer period I decided to go up and ask him a question. I didn’t feel that my question was specifically about the seven spiritual laws but how often would I have a chance to ask Deepak Chopra a question?

I was second in line. I began by explaining how I felt that I practiced all the laws and have seen the shift in my life because of it. The only area I didn’t seem to see the shift was in the matter with Diabetes. I asked him for advice. He smiled and then began to answer.

“well this question although it’s a good one, does not completely have to do with the issue at hand. I can’t go into detail right now simply because then someone with heart disease, cancer ect.. will come up with a similar question. I do recommend my book Perfect Health”.

With that I said thank you and began to walk back to my seat. As I got to my row a middle aged Indian man was sitting in the isle seat. He had a big smile on his face and pulled my hand,   handing me a book. It was the book Perfect Health. My jaw dropped open.

“This is for you.” he said

I told him.
“Oh my God! Thank you. but it’s yours.”

“No, Please take it. It’s meant for you.”

I held back tears and sat back in my seat stunned. At the end of the Q and A section, this angel of a man came over to me. He gave me a big bear hug and whispered in my ear,

“You’re not broken. I thought I was coming just to have this book signed. I need to run out which is why I sat in the isle seat but I knew that this book was meant for you. There is nothing for you to fix. You are not broken”

When he said those words I realized that I’ve been walking around feeling as if there was something I needed to fix. It was then that a shift came over me. I began to embrace Diabetes. I started to look at all the blessings that came forth since the diagnosis and what I have learned because of it. I looked at all the healers I went to and was amazed at how much I have learned and discovered about me, health, food and medicine.

I realized that Diabetes was not something I had to get rid of but rather embrace. In fact, when I really looked at it I counted more then a dozen blessings that came from having the health issue. One of the many was that I actually became much healthier, ate better, was more aware of my body and was now able to help others heal too. I have since began to refer to Diabetes as the thing that saved my life. Before Diabetes I was an anorexic, bulimic dancer. I now am healthier than ever and have an understanding of food and the working of the subconscious mind and the relation to disease I never would’ve dreamed of. Diabetes still at times drives me crazy but now only lasts minutes of feeling annoyed at a low  or high sugar rather than weeks of grief.

Everything that happens to you is for your good. Who you are is perfect. You are not broken. There is nothing for you to fix. A great exercise to do when you feel that you need to fix something about you or your life is to write down what it is that bothers you and begin to look for the blessings of that situation. If you’re really having a difficult time, then walk around outdoors with a pen and paper and notice the seemingly imperfect people and places and find something beautiful in them. By doing this you’ll be able to then go back and find the same in you.

You are not broken. There is nothing wrong with you. Be you as you are and be it fully. No one else can do this. Only you, always you!

If you or someone you know is going through a shift in their lives and is looking for guidance, healing and support please refer them to my coaching program. I have helped many shift from a painful place to a place of healing and health.

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908 764-5672