Moving From Judgment To Love

6 05 2010

I find it amazing how most people spend almost every waking moment in judgement. They are either judging another or they are judging themselves. When quieting my mind and completely focusing on the present moment judgment disappears. Our ego will do whatever it takes to bring judgment back because it cannot survive without it. This war inside ourselves creates imbalances that show up as physical illnesses, painful circumstances or other forms of trauma to affirm our own judgements.

Judgment comes from fear. We fear that we are not good enough as we are. We fear we need to do something, accomplish something, acquire something or be something in order to be loved. These ideas are planted into our mind from a very young age.  From the time we heard our first no, or “be seen and not heard” judgments were planted in our mind. We began to learn ideas such as we are not good enough just being. Our behavior needs to change in order for us to be approved. We began a spiraling action of acting according to how we felt other people wanted us to act or be. Even if we stuck up for ourselves at times and did what “we” wanted, that came from usually from a fear based thought. We fought against a force we called our parents, teachers or guides and did what we wanted to do. At the end we wondered why we felt unhappy. It’s because we just did what we were taught and said no to one person and maybe even just unconsciously said yes to others. Maybe we felt a need to dress a certain way in order to make friends, even if we felt uncomfortable. Maybe we got a job in order to “fit in” to society.  We seem to struggle in our work, at home and even at things we do for fun. We are constantly comparing ourselves, losing ourselves and doing what we can to live up to some kind of idea, usually not our own. How can we truly begin to stop the judgment and start to live from our own truth? As long as we are living from someone else’s idea about ourselves true happiness and peace will never be our experience.

I recently did a project where I wanted to see if I can get people out of their shell, help them experience something fun and different, and allow them to be completely free for 20 seconds. I approached random people and explained to them that I’m doing a project to find out if 20 seconds of movement of any kind can shift one’s energy. I asked if they would be inclined to participate and allow me to film them. What I got was staggering, entertaining and mind blowing.

There was one group of women sitting and chatting on a field of grass while they waited for their girls to finish playing soccer. I strolled over to them and started to chit chat with them for a moment before explaining my project to them. They seemed nice but became very guarded with my approach.

I then began to explain what I was doing and asked if they wanted to participate. 3 out of the 4 women seemed interested in trying it out. I saw smiles prop up and sheer amusement with my request. There was one lady who remained seated on the grass with walls so visibly put up I felt if I took a knife I’d be able to slice through her force. She began to say that she simply did not have time for this and she’ll pass. As soon as she said those words all her friends promptly sat down and came up with the same excuse. I then asked if they would want my business card so I can send them the link to the project when I was done. The same stand offish lady began to say how she had no time for my work between 3 kids and various projects she did. I smiled, thanked them for their time and left.

I was amazed at how the other three women followed the lead of the guarded friend. I wondered how many other times they’ve wanted to do something and didn’t for fear of not being included in their exclusive friendship. How did that carry off in the rest of their lives? Was their lives lived through the truth of their friend, husband, children?

I approached a mother with two kids and had a nice conversation with her. She seemed quiet, friendly and a bit tired. I then began to explain my project and noticed how quickly her guards went up. I explained that I work with children and do creative movement with them all the time. I thought it would be fun to have kids in the video. She told me that she is very guarded and had trust issues. She did not want her children to be involved. I was amazed at this. I simply could not understand why so many people seemed to be so weary and guarded. All of this took place in one of the most affluent areas in Southern California. I thought if there’s so much mistrust and walls put up in a wealthy environment is the same true in a poor one? I did not have time up to this point to explore that but my intuition has been telling me that unless one is proven trustworthy most people will automatically put walls up and close themselves off. They are mainly scared of how they will look with the stranger, rather than being scared of the stranger themselves.

There were groups who I didn’t have to ask twice. When I told them about my project they jumped at the opportunity and went fully into it. I noticed that I was only able to reach people and open them up to the project if they were already open. People open to life welcome new opportunities every moment. Their lives are lived with ease and playfulness and it wouldn’t matter if they were talking, walking, reading, dancing or meditating. Every moment would be a new, wondrous experience.

I was left wondering what stopped some from opening up to a fun, different experience and others jumped at it. I asked myself why some people are open to new ideas and others don’t even understand it and feel threatened by a new thought.  I realized that it was one theme, one idea that disabled people from opening up. Judgement! Judgment of themselves was the main inhibitor. Their fear of what if someone saw me dancing? What if I look like a fool?  There were those that participated who I found were looking around with a “I feel so silly” smirk on their faces  and only put half their heart into it. They were extremely self conscious. There were only a few groups who went completely out and put their whole self into the movement. They seemed to have the best time and a  significant change in energy occurred as a result. I wondered how I could help more open up.

I remembered a class I gave in a fitness studio in New Jersey. It was a dance class where the women learned a dance routine and followed the teacher while performing it. One day I told them

“we’ll start the class off differently. let’s do something fun, something to open you up to freer movement, something that’s silly and creative.”

I began to lead them into creative movement exercises where they were able to move exactly how they pleased based on a word I used. The exercise was meant to completely free them and invite them to explore. All the women stood there dumbfounded and refused to do the exercise. I was shocked and dismayed at their refusal to a new challenge. I began the typical routine and we had a good class.

Movement was the tool I used to help open up the different souls around me. But you can do this with anything. A great exercise and practice is to do something everyday out of your comfort zone. Do something that scares you everyday. Notice what happens in that moment. I use movement since there’s so much misconception and fear around it. Movement is healing and a great way to practice doing things that feel uncomfortable. What happens as a result is miraculous. The very thing you feared becomes your savior and your path to a new you. I briefly did this as an ice skater. Everyday I put myself on the ice and performed acts that took my breath away. Each time my body left the ice I wondered if it’ll land  safely. Each time it did exhilaration followed. Another great way to feel this is going into nature, nature hikes, boating or anything different than your normal path. The greater the difference, the greater a shift you’ll feel. Notice how present you are doing what fears you. Are there judgments in that moment? Everyone whose skydiving has said that that’s the most present they have ever been. During that moment you probably won’t be thinking of how the guy cut you off or the bills you have to pay. Most likely all you’re thinking of is AHHHHH!!!!

We spend so much of our time in judgment. The truth is that the more we open up and free ourselves from following ideas that others laid out for us the more in alignment we’ll feel. We’ll begin to attract situations into our lives that are more in alignment with who we truly are. By becoming aware of our thoughts and noticing how much is occupied with judgment, we can begin to shift. Our ego cannot survive in the present moment. It cannot survive from pure love. It therefore creates stories and situations to induce fear,  take us out of the present moment and into the past or future. That’s when we enter into judgment of ourselves or another. By staying present we can begin another story, one of that is truly alive and brings us to pure ecstasy.

My book is coming out really soon. 🙂 There, you’ll find more on how to shift from a victim (self judgement) to a warrior (pure love).

If you or someone you know is in need of support my coaching program can help you shift from a painful place to a place of healing, peace and fulfillment. Please call at 908 764-5672

Please visit my website for more inspiration at




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