Fitting in

28 04 2010

Have you ever felt that despite your efforts you just don’t fit in? Do you find social events effortful and exhausting. Do you find yourself asking if you really want to go? I’m totally there on that one. My whole life I have felt like the odd one out. I consider myself extremely outgoing, friendly and very well liked. Yet I have always found it challenging feeling like I “fit in” and I’m part of the group.

I grew up in an ultra religious orthodox Jewish community and even while practicing the religion, I never seemed to fit in with the rest of my friends. I was a young mother, and connecting to the other moms again felt very separate and odd. As a performer I also never seemed to fit in with the rest of the group. No matter what kind of community or experience, there seemed to be an effort in creating the sense of belonging. This in turn brought up a strong need for love and belonging. The exhausting cycle perpetuated more feelings of loneliness and abandonment and a desperation for being wanted. I asked myself where did this come from? How did it begin and how would I be able to fix it?

When I was seven my mother had a stroke that put her into the hospital for a year and a half.  When she finally returned our roles were reversed. I no longer had a mother who could care for me and in turn became her caregiver. It was one of my strongest feelings of abandonment. My mother’s illness also became the focus of attention not just for my family but for the whole Jewish community of Montreal. I seem to fall in her shadows and soon believed that unless I became severely ill I was not welcome to receive love.

Of course that was all happening in my mind. My childhood was challenged by my mother’s illness but when I began to look at the situation deeper I realized the blessings that came out of it. I even saw the blessings produced by my own feelings.

My mother taught me how to give, love and share. Not only did I take care of her. In return, she shared her wisdom, laughter and spark for life. As I grew, I learned to cherish who I was. I learned to love my differences, my uniques. I realized it was the greats of the world who never seemed to “fit in”. Would Jim Carrey be where he was today if he was worried about fitting in? How about Albert Einstein or Jane Eyer? None of these people went along with the crowd. They followed their own drum. At times I am sure loneliness set in, but it was through following their heart they were able to soar and show the world who they could be. When looking deep inside my own mind I learned that love and belonging has to start within. The more I looked out of myself, the more I seemed to push it away. Once I began to fill myself up with love, it followed me everywhere I went. I still find that I’m the “odd one out”. But I now laugh as I realize how unique and awesome I truly am. I get to show the world what I and everyone I meet can truly be.

So if you find yourself alone and feeling like you don’t belong. Take a pen and paper and write all the beautiful things that make you unique and special. It’s your differences that you need to cherish. We don’t all have to follow the same patterns, fashion, music, sports or anything else. Always follow your heart. By doing this it’ll lead to your truth and happiness.


Who Are You?

22 04 2010

Ah America! The land of the free, a place where opportunity is everywhere and where dreams do come true. America is also the land where obesity is rampant, the rich live in such intense fear that they create clubs, secret restaurants and gated homes and communities to lock out the world and create an illusion of aristocratic importance. The middle class and poor  blame the rich, living a life of fight and flight. Competition is fierce, disease is everywhere and even friends are scared to look directly into each other’s eyes for fear of judgement.

Why is this? Where did so much fear come from?

It is because we have forgotten who we truly are.

I grew up in a deeply rooted victim mentality. I began to think that my life will be filled with only pain. After a severely abusive episode I endured my eyes began to open. I stepped back and realized that I can have a different story. I noticed that I was the one who put myself in situations which caused pain and misfortune into my life. It was one of the most empowering moments of my life. I began my journey of awakening, learning who I truly was.

One of the things I realized was, I didn’t understand who I truly was. I lived my life by default and thought of myself as lower than anyone else. I therefore attracted situations to affirm that. When I began to write a new story, and a new me, situations that represented the new me showed up. I was amazed at how that worked and began to delve further into my discovery. I wanted to truly know who I was, not who I thought I was.

Fear is rampant in our society because no one lives from their truth. They live their life in complete fear. They go to a job they hate for fear of paying their bills. They put their children through over scheduled programs out of fear of not fitting in. People live way out of their means for fear of not being accepted. They put things into their body to cover up their pain. And the results show up in the form of disease, pain and dread of what might happen next. Our society lives primarily in the past or future. This keeps us in fear. We play the “what if” game  and the “I should’ve done that,” or ” I can’t believe I did that”. By delving into what happened or what might happen we lose the precious moments of now.

As I began to discover who I am, I explored the power of NOW! I studied from great teachers like Ekhart Tolle, Neal Donald Walshe, Wayne Dyer and many more masters. I took to heart their lessons and began practicing their teachings. I realized that in the now, pain does not exist. The present moment is always perfect. The present moment is the only truth. But what truly surprised me about living in the now is I began to discover who I truly am.

I took a course called The Opening Intensive, given by a company called Set Your Hearts Free, . At this event we learned through various processes the power of the now and the truth of who I am. During this event I delved completely into me, from what I was physically feeling in my body, to what my mind was creating, to noticing the rides of my emotions. I realized what I identified myself with and how false those identifications were. It was only after I let go of those identifications I began to see the truth of me. All that was left was light, beauty and love. A peace beyond anything I have ever experienced replaced the chaos in my mind. I also realized the connection that every human being has towards each other, the energy between us and the power of love.

This event was one example of how I began to open up to the beauty and power of me. I began to cherish every moment. I cherished every person I had the privilege of coming into contact. I realized that we are all expressions of the devine. We are all energy, unlimited, made from pure love. By extending love to others and using love to lead our lives we open ourselves up to a life filled with blessings. I have always lived my life in acts of service. Before my awakening I served in fear of rejection. I now serve with an openness and freedom that love and truth are one and the same. The more I give, the more I receive. I look at nature and children for guidance and find grace in the moment.

To begin to learn who you really are, start by living in the moment. Take a walk and begin to notice everything yours eyes land on. Note the beauty and perfection of what you see. Check to see if there’s a connection between you and what you are observing. These are the beginning steps of finding the peace of the present moment and the beauty and perfection of you!

Combining Nature and Dance?

5 04 2010

dancing in nature

I have always been fascinated by nature. If I had a choice as a child of going to an amusement park or a national park I would always pick the national park. I was awed by the force that nature provided, the stillness and beauty put me in a trance that I could not define in words. It was something I needed to experience over and over again.  Nature is where I found my center, my inner peace and my power. Without understanding it, I connected to nature on a deep meditative level.

As a dancer, I have always wanted to find a way to combine the power I felt in nature and the beauty and art of dance. I began by creating various you tubes playing with this theme which you can view by visiting my channel at ““. I wanted to share the healing power of movement and the therapeutic benefits of the outdoors. The deeper into the wild, the crazier I wanted to move.

I am just about to release my first book entitled The Power Within Me, subtitled From Victim To Warrior. The book recounts how I awakened to a new way of looking at the challenges I experienced, creating a tremendous healing for myself and those around me. I invite the reader to begin to look at their challenges in a new way as well. Dancing and nature have both been tools I have used to guide me into healing.

Today I experienced my first earthquake. It originated in Baja California in the country of Mexico. It measured at 6.9. I felt it all the way in Orange County California about 2 hours of a drive away. I stood against the wall as I felt the earth beneath me sway. The whole apartment swayed . It was the most surreal experience I ever had. I could not help but think what if the building collapses? What can I do to protect myself? I realized that when nature wants to do something, it’ll do it. The intensity of the experience also had a stillness I could not understand. Everything around us seemed still as the graceful moves of the earth below us swayed beneath my feet.

I felt the power of nature in many other ways in the past. The wrath of a snowstorm always seems to bring along with it a quietness so deep, that when tuned into it you can’t help but smile. Clouds seem to open up with great ease spilling out water, hail, snow or anything it pleases. There are no questions with nature. Trees give in to the wind or rain without a fight. Animals feel the earth’s rhythm on such a deep level that when the Tsunami hit in 2002, not even one animal seemed to die. They all knew to go to higher ground.

Can we learn from nature? When I dance, I try to pick an aspect of nature to connect to. How would it move? How still is it? Can I surrender to the forces around me? Does it serve me? Looking at a blade of grass, the ease of how it grows, surrendering to the wind, the smell it shares. Is there anything more perfect? There’s no judgement on the blade? It’s perfect as it is.

I love to move without judgement. No worry about what picture I’m making, how long my line, how big my jump or how many turns I make. I move to my inner rhythm. By dancing that way, it remains healing, something I can share with the world.

As a bridge, a teacher and inspirational speaker, I love to invite those unaware of the power of movement to bring dance into their life as a form of healing. I use aspects of nature to guide them into their movement, showing them how everyone can dance. What I have found has been breathless. Senior citizens have come up to me after a session thanking me for the healing they experienced. They have shared that years of pain seem to vanish during the time spent in the meditative movement I guided them through. The awe inspiring power of dance, combined with nature has been so exciting for me that I continue to delve into better understanding how to combine the two forces. I invite you to now find ways to combine the beauty of dance and the power of nature into your life.